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These are some secrets a narcissist will never tell you:

1. You will always feel alone with me.

When you are with a narcissist, you will always feel alone—lonelier than if you were actually alone. This kind of relationship is without any real connection, without any love, without any real support; you have no one to share your feelings with. Yes, they are there physically, but you are really alone—emotionally, mentally, psychologically.

This is not a relationship, it is a one sided situational-ship. You do all the work for the relationship, and they stay only to take from you. They stay for no love or care, but for 'supply', everything is about them.

Your needs are irrelevant. Your feelings are dismissed, your voice silenced, you are made to feel you are "too much"—too needy, too clingy, too demanding. The only thing they can give you, in return, is loneliness. This is a silent treatment, stonewalling, cutting you off from family and friends, abandoning you in your need of them.

When you are alone, at least you have peace. You are not being hurt. But you hurt in every way when you are with them.

2. My personality is not real.

My personality isn't real—it's just bits and pieces that I've gotten from other people like you. I take whatever I want from people who have stuff I like about them because I think I am allowed to. I might talk like someone I just met, dress like my last partner, or pretend to enjoy your hobbies and interests as if they are mine. I could even pick the same job as you or follow the same career path as if I had an actual choice in the direction of my life.

The fact is, I am a collage of the ripped-off pieces. Without that collage of theft, I don't have a personality, I don't have an identity, there is nothing interesting about me. If you peeled back those stitches, you would find someone who is empty, boring, devoid of anything that would make for a meaningful relationship, family, or future. I don't know who I am or why I am here, I only know how to leech off the life of others and that's what I do.

Even your work is not safe. I will steal your ideas and present those ideas, phrases, images as my own because in my mind, I own you. You are not a person to me; you are an object I believe I have the right to use.

3. I secretly dislike you.

I don’t love you—I actually dislike you. I want you to think I love you more than you love me. The fact is, I keep you around strictly for a supply. I know, deep down, that I'm your greatest enemy. I want you to fail. I want you to be in pain. I feel powerful when you are in pain. I want you weak, and tired, and broken. If you have mental health breakdowns, it's just proof to me that I'm better than you.

I will belittle everything you do, I will downplay your successes, and I will make it seem like it is no big deal, "anybody could do it." Then I will dismiss the statement by justifying it as just joking or not meaning it, so you don't leave me. That said, from the bottom of my heart, I mean every hurtful and insulting thing I say to you. I know it, and I love it.

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In der Dunkelheit dieser digitalen Welt fühle ich mich verloren. Jeder Tag bringt neue Enttäuschungen, und heute ist es die Nachricht, dass "Escape From Tarkov" auf Steam einen separaten Kauf erfordert. Es ist, als würde ich in einem endlosen Tunnel wandern, in dem das Licht des Spiels unerreichbar bleibt.

Die Vorfreude auf das Spiel war wie ein Lichtstrahl in meinem trüben Alltag. Ich hatte gehofft, mit Freunden in die bedrückende Atmosphäre von Tarkov einzutauchen, die Spannung und den Nervenkitzel zu erleben. Doch jetzt, mit den hohen Systemanforderungen und dem zusätzlichen Kauf, fühle ich mich, als würde mir das Herz herausgerissen. Es ist, als ob ich vor einer verschlossenen Tür stehe, während die anderen im Inneren lachen und spielen.

Die Enttäuschung ist nicht nur eine Reaktion auf die Nachricht, sondern ein Spiegelbild der Einsamkeit, die mich umgibt. In der Welt, in der wir leben, scheinen die Momente des Glücks immer teurer und schwerer erreichbar zu sein. Ich sehe meine Freunde, die bereits in die aufregenden Abenteuer eintauchen, während ich zurückbleibe, allein mit meinen Gedanken. Die Sehnsucht nach Gemeinschaft und Spaß wird von der Kälte der Realität erdrückt.

Jeder Pixel, jede Entscheidung in diesem Spiel symbolisiert das Streben nach Freiheit, und doch fühle ich mich gefangen. Gefangen in einem Meer aus Enttäuschungen, wo die Hoffnung wie ein verblasstes Bild an der Wand hängt. Es ist schwer, sich dem zu stellen – dass die Dinge nicht so einfach sind, wie sie scheinen. Wie oft haben wir uns auf etwas gefreut, nur um dann an die grausame Realität erinnert zu werden?

Ich möchte glauben, dass es einen Ausweg gibt, dass die Freude am Spielen uns zusammenbringen kann. Aber in Momenten wie diesen wird die Einsamkeit unerträglich. Es ist, als würde ich in einem Raum voller Menschen stehen und dennoch von einer unsichtbaren Wand umgeben sein, die mich von der Freude und dem Lachen trennt.

Vielleicht ist es an der Zeit, mich von diesen digitalen Träumen zu lösen und die Realität zu akzeptieren. Doch der Schmerz bleibt, die Enttäuschung nagt an mir. "Escape From Tarkov" wird auf Steam, aber für mich bleibt es eine unerreichbare Welt, ein weiteres Kapitel von unerfüllten Erwartungen.

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